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Well Dressed Thoughts: Win the Battle of the (Pocket) Bulge

Ever caught yourself people watching and seen a man who looks like he’s fighting a losing battle with the mid-body bulge? And we’re not talking about guys who have enjoyed a few too many BEvERageS, but guys who stuff their pockets so they look like a pack mule ready for a week long mountain hike. Bulging pockets can ruin an otherwise sartorial look, so we took it upon ourselves to whip up some suggestions for how to slim down what you carry in your pockets.

Artvictus - check out these sartorial tips for how to not ruin your look with overstuffed pockets


Put Your Key Ring on a Diet

If you’re like most guys, you’ve got a keychain full of ‘stuff’. You’ve got keys, fobs, rewards points swipe cards and even a cute trinket your old Auntie Phyllis got your when she went to Cancun eight years ago.

Seriously, guys, do you really need all that? Because it kinda looks like you’ve got a tumour growing out of your upper thigh, and that’s probably not the look you’re going for.

Here’s how you deal with the mega-globule that your keys have become: ditch anything that’s non-essential. That sign-in swipe card for the gym you no longer to go? Ditch it. Aunt Phyllis’ Cancun trinket? Gone (sorry Aunt P, a guy has to protect his look). Go through your keys and remove any that you can’t readily identify the lock they open or you can’t remember the last time you used them.


Double Up Your Mobile Phone Case

Zack Morris huge phoneRemember how mobile phones used to be huge? Anyone remember Saved by the Bell’s Zack Morris and his huge (but cool at the time) phone?

Well, after years of watching phones get smaller and smaller, phone sizes are on the rise as we use them for much more than making and receiving phone calls. If you embrace technology, we’re betting your phone is pretty central to your existence and you’d be lost without it.

To protect the jewel of our existence you can invest in all sorts of phone cases, but if you’re looking for any sort of protective properties then you’re also looking at something more bulky – and that’s exactly what we’re trying to stay away from.

So, invest in a wallet style case for your phone. Yeah, you might get ribbed by your buddies who will accuse you of carrying a man purse, but your sense of self-confidence will surely overcome their sexual insecurities.

A wallet style phone case means you don’t have to carry around a wallet – saving the bulge growing out of your backside – and you’ll probably find yourself carrying your phone-wallet in your hand, saving your upper thigh from an unsightly bulge, too.

Now that’s what we call a win-win.


Thin Down Your Wallet

Okay, remember the diet we put your keys on? Let’s do the same with your wallet.

Here are critical things that you need in your wallet:

  • $50 cash – most places take credit or debit but you should always have some cold hard cash.
  • Two credit cards – you’ve probably got a main credit card, but don’t get caught without a backup.
  • Driver’s license – more for proving that you’re old enough to drink, not to hand over to police officers who don’t appreciate your need for speed.
  • Health card – for the same reason you should always wear clean underpants.
  • Debit card – you probably don’t even need this.

Things that you can safely remove from your wallet:

  • Drake holding moneyExcess cash – unless you’re Drake (and Drake? We’re not feeling your badass-ness just because you have a handful of $1 bills – show us a handful of Benjamin’s and then we can talk), we don’t need to see the Queen and our greatest Prime Ministers spilling out of your wallet.
  • Receipts – why would you even have receipts in your wallet anyway?
  • Reward points cards – see if there’s an app that you can download to your phone instead.
  • Spare condom – what, are you 16 and hoping beyond hope to get lucky? If you have a condom in your wallet it’s probably old and crusty (yes, condoms have an expiry date) so get rid of it and plan ahead if you think that using a condom might be in your plans.


The Final Word

If well-dressed is how you roll, you owe it to the time and money you put into looking good to not ruin your look by packing your pockets full of stuff and looking like a pack mule. Take a check of what you carry in your pockets and ask yourself how much of it do you really need, and get rid of what you don’t. It’ll have people looking at how you look for the right reasons, and not the wrong ones.

Oh, and because you’re this far down and because you do give a damn about looking good, head over to our custom shirt designer and design your own custom fit dress shirt, or size up a pre-set shirts from our collection.

And as always, stay sartorial, Artvictus men.

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